Bilić Vedran, Eterović Marija, Marčinko Darko
Department of Psychiatry and Psychological Medicine, University Hospital Centre Zagreb, Kišpatićeva 12, 10000 Zagreb, Croatia,
Psychiatr Danub. 2022 Spring;34(1):3-10. doi: 10.24869/psyd.2022.3.
Love is a delicate experience that delves into the foundations of the psyche, and many sources of the emotional experience of love remain unconscious. The nature of love is twofold and contradictory, regressive and progressive, constructive and destructive, connecting and separating, directed toward the object and the self. The ability to idealize is a precondition for "falling in love". Abrupt disappointments can be traumatizing, but gradual ones include the work of mourning and may lead to a more authentic relationship that is less obscured by narcissistic needs. Some aspects of projective identification, which can be a defense, a primitive form of object relation, and a path for psychological change, may be present in all forms of love. These are the close interaction of self and object, blurred boundaries between them, the need that the other person feels what one feels, and a strong desire to continue the relationship. A therapeutic setting can enable the long-term transformation of love in transference and more mature expressions of love in life. The maturation of narcissism is the hallmark of mature love. One of the prerequisites for mature love is a mature superego, which does not require suffering as a prerequisite for satisfying one's needs. Clear differentiation of the boundaries of the self enables safe (temporary) blurring or disappearing of its boundaries and satisfaction of needs for repetition of lost fusion with the primary object of love. Mature love also means the capacity for tolerating ambivalence, i.e., the capacity to integrate both love and hatred experiences of the same person. One can see love as a "glue" that helps integrate different aspects of the psyche into a harmonious whole.
爱是一种深入心灵根基的微妙体验，爱的情感体验的许多源头仍处于无意识状态。爱的本质具有双重性且相互矛盾，既退行又进步，既建设性又破坏性，既连接又分离，既指向客体又指向自我。理想化的能力是“坠入爱河”的一个前提条件。突然的失望可能会造成创伤，但逐渐的失望包含了哀悼的过程，可能会导向一种更真实的关系，这种关系较少被自恋需求所遮蔽。投射性认同的某些方面，它可以是一种防御、一种原始的客体关系形式以及一种心理改变的途径，可能存在于所有形式的爱中。这些方面包括自我与客体的紧密互动、它们之间模糊的界限、希望对方感同身受的需求以及维持关系的强烈愿望。治疗环境能够促使爱在移情中实现长期转变，并在生活中以更成熟的方式表达。自恋的成熟是成熟之爱的标志。成熟之爱的一个先决条件是成熟的超我，它不要求以痛苦作为满足自身需求的前提。自我界限的清晰分化使得自我界限能够安全地（暂时地）模糊或消失，并满足与最初的爱的客体重复失去的融合的需求。成熟的爱还意味着能够容忍矛盾情绪，即整合对同一个人的爱与恨的体验的能力。人们可以将爱视为一种“胶水”，有助于将心灵的不同方面整合为一个和谐的整体。
