Health span, that period between birth and onset of major disease(s), when adequate physical and cognitive function permit those daily living activities essential to life quality, is lower in the United States than other developed countries. Physical inactivity and excessive calorie intake occupy dominant roles both in the problem, and by redressing them, in the solution. Consequently, this review focuses on evidence that appropriate exercise engagement and calorie restriction (CR) can improve physical and mental health with a view to extending the health span. Humanity, writ large, has grasped these underlying concepts for Millennia but has been largely intransigent to them. Thus, the final section proposes a novel Monty Python-esque approach that encompasses humanity's inimical sense of humor to increase physical fitness and mental health, restore energy balance, sustain better cognitive function, and extend the health span.