Gordon Amie M, Chen Serena
Department of Psychology, University of California, Berkeley.
J Pers Soc Psychol. 2016 Feb;110(2):239-60. doi: 10.1037/pspi0000039. Epub 2015 Nov 2.
Conflict can have damaging effects on relationship health. But is all conflict detrimental? Across 7 studies, we tested the overarching hypothesis that conflict in close relationships is only detrimental when people do not feel their thoughts, feelings, and point of view are understood by their relationship partners. Supporting this, conflict was negatively associated with relationship satisfaction among participants who perceived their romantic partner as less understanding, but not among those who felt more understood by their partners. This was true cross-sectionally (Study 1), experimentally (Studies 2, 3, 6a, and 6b), in daily life (Study 4), and for both members of couples pre- to postconflict conversation in the laboratory (Study 5). The buffering effects of feeling understood could not be explained by people who felt more understood being more understanding themselves, having more general positive perceptions of their partners, fighting about less important or different types of issues, engaging in more pleasant conflict conversations, or being more satisfied with their relationships before the conflict. Perceived understanding was positively associated with conflict resolution, but this did not explain the benefits of feeling understood. Evidence from Studies 6a and 6b suggests that feeling understood during conflict may buffer against reduced relationship satisfaction in part because it strengthens the relationship and signals that one's partner is invested. Overall, these studies suggest that perceived understanding may be a critical buffer against the potentially detrimental effects of relationship conflict.
冲突会对人际关系健康产生破坏性影响。但所有冲突都是有害的吗？在7项研究中，我们检验了一个总体假设，即亲密关系中的冲突只有在人们觉得自己的想法、感受和观点未被伴侣理解时才是有害的。支持这一观点的是，在那些认为自己的浪漫伴侣理解较少的参与者中，冲突与关系满意度呈负相关，但在那些觉得自己更被伴侣理解的参与者中并非如此。这在横断面研究（研究1）、实验研究（研究2、3、6a和6b）、日常生活研究（研究4）以及实验室中夫妻冲突前与冲突后对话的双方成员中（研究5）都是成立的。感觉被理解的缓冲效应无法用以下因素来解释：那些感觉更被理解的人自己更善解人意、对伴侣有更普遍的积极看法、为不太重要或不同类型的问题争吵、进行更愉快的冲突对话，或者在冲突前对自己的关系更满意。感知到的理解与冲突解决呈正相关，但这并不能解释感觉被理解的好处。研究6a和6b的证据表明，在冲突期间感觉被理解可能部分缓冲了关系满意度的下降，因为它加强了关系并表明伴侣投入其中。总体而言，这些研究表明，感知到的理解可能是对抗关系冲突潜在有害影响的关键缓冲因素。
