Severe breastfeeding difficulties: Existential lostness as a mother-Women's lived experiences of initiating breastfeeding under severe difficulties.

A majority of women in Sweden initiate breastfeeding but almost a quarter stop or wean the infant in the first few weeks after birth because of difficulties. In order to develop care that facilitates initiation of breastfeeding and enables mothers to realize their expectations concerning breastfeeding, it is necessary to understand what having severe breastfeeding difficulties means for women who experience them. The aim of this study is to describe the lived experiences of initiating breastfeeding under severe difficulties. A reflective lifeworld research design was used. Eight women, seven primiparous and one multipara, were interviewed within 2 months of giving birth. The essential meaning of the phenomenon is described as "Existential lostness as a mother forcing oneself into a constant fight". This pattern is further explicated through its constituents; shattered expectations, a lost time for closeness, being of no use to the infant, being forced to expose oneself, and gaining strength through sharing. The results show that mothers with severe breastfeeding difficulties feel alone and exposed because of their suffering and are lost in motherhood. Thus, adequate care for mothers should enhance the forming of a caring relationship through sharing rather than exposing.