Embracing ambivalence and hesitation: a Ricoeurian perspective on anticipatory choice processes at the end of life.

Especially older adults are increasingly stimulated to think about, talk about and record their preferences with regard to future (health)care decisions, preferably in a pro-active manner. In this paper, I analyse these anticipatory choice processes. My goal is twofold: Firstly, to provide a deeper understanding of what it actually means to decide in advance about end-of-life treatments or options. Secondly, to make a theoretical contribution to bioethics and ACP-theories by rethinking the concept of end-of-life choices from a phenomenological viewpoint. To achieve this, I start by presenting a case narrative that elucidates how these anticipatory choices are lived. Secondly, I map out a theoretical framework about choice based on the phenomenology of the will of Paul Ricoeur. Finally, guided by this Ricoeurian framework, I investigate the potential meaning of choice in the context of contemporary advance care planning trajectories. The analysis demonstrates that choice and agency always imply notions of passivity and uncontrollability. It also indicates the significant value of hesitation and ambivalence. Moreover, it highlights the importance of the notion of co-responsibility in the context of anticipated end-of-life choices, and the relevant distinction between a (willed) choice and a wish. To improve care and support regarding end-of-life trajectories and to promote meaningful conversations, it is imperative to integrate these underrated elements more substantially in our theories, language and practical approaches. I conclude by suggesting that, in order to do justice to the real-life complexities, we might even need to revise the notion of advance 'directives'.